Healing from Grief and Trauma through Gratitude Practice, January 2020 Newsletter
Hi friend,
Surprised to hear from me? It’s been a few months since I’ve reached out, but I wanted to tell you Happy (late) New Year.
How was the year for you? Mine was… unpredictable. On the positive side, 2019 was my most successful year as a speaker and consultant so far. I got to travel across the state to train Americorp members in building meaningful relationships with their clients. I helped thousands of teachers start the school year off by taking a moment to pause, reflect, and connect. I collaborated with a client in the beauty industry to build a culture of care for every guest and team member. In March I went on a silent retreat and started Urban Zen training in September. Our family visited Mexico and Yellowstone. It was busy, exciting, fulfilling.
However, toward the end of the year things got tough. In the fall some childhood experiences came up that I’d never been able to face before. In the winter we lost my mother-in-law very suddenly and unexpectedly weeks before Christmas. My whole family got the flu. We traveled across the country twice in one month.
On New Year’s Eve, there were more tears than celebrations, so by January 1, I was excited to hit restart. I was hopeful.
Have you ever realized you’re holding your breath? Waiting for life to feel more “alive”? And then the change you’re expecting just doesn’t’ come? If so, I can relate.
It’s helped me to go back to a practice from Myths of Being Human called “Beautiful Moments.” In those difficult years I wrote about in Myths, I would sit down at the end of each day and ask, “Where did I have moments of beauty? Slivers of joy?” I would find them in a small hand clasped in mine while walking my son home from school, or in the colors of a sunrise as I drove to work in the morning. They were always there—not highlights, or even rays—but sparkles of light in what felt like total darkness.
I am trying to be in my life as it is right now, not as I wish it to be. For me, that means allowing the world to feel dimmer, more grey. I am trying to accept this, while still seeing the beauty that’s present.
We can practice gratitude while acknowledging how hard things really are.
My friend Kim posted this video of Tom Waite’s reading Bukowski’s poem “The Laughing Heart.” The poem is about honoring and owning our life and finding points of light in darkness; it resonated.
I think we all feel at times like life has less “sparkle” than we’d like. For me, it’s so tempting in these times to try and “wait it out,” but what's wasted in the meantime?
So today I am experimenting with accepting where I am right now, not wishing it otherwise, while also honoring the points of light as they arise. It’s a balance between letting go of hope, while also embracing it.
Hugs,
Brandi
P.S.- I’ve been taking a long break from posting on social, but you can find me on Linkedin where I sometimes share articles and updates.
Resources for Self-healing from Grief and Trauma
Healing Your Inner-Child (book): I started reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw when my therapist suggested that “inner-child” work might be a helpful tool for me as I work through difficult childhood memories. While the age of this book is apparent in some ways (it’s almost 30 years old), the ideas and practices were still new to me, and I have found it to be interesting and useful.
Ram Dass on Nearing Death (video): Over the past year, I’ve watched the Ram Dass mini-documentary called “Ram Dass: Going Home” on Netflix multiple times. It’s beautiful imagery and poignant words from Ram Dass as he neared death resonate with me. On Dec. 22 of 2019, Ram went home at the age of 88. He will be missed by many.
A Poem About Grief (poem): I sent this poem called “Redemption Song” by Kevin Young to a client who lost their mother only a few weeks before we lost my mother-in-law. One of my favorite lines is, “Grief might be easy/ if there wasn’t still such beauty.” The poem captures the poignancy of loss amidst life.
Want more?