Self-Compassion Prevents Burnout, Mar. 2020 Newsletter
Hi there!
How are you, friend? Has the upcoming season change been treating you well? While I usually love my winter hygge, this year I am excited to welcome spring and feel more sunshine on my face. (If you read my last newsletter, you know the winter was a little rough. I am happy to report that my world has gotten a brighter since!)
One of the most helpful transitions for me over the last few months has been learning to care about myself when I’m struggling. I’m not talking about caring for myself (which for me means making sure that I eat okay, get enough sleep, and do some yoga). I mean caring about myself—or having compassion for the parts of me that are feeling challenged, insecure, or hurt.
What I’m talking about is self-compassion.
My process was assisted lately by a lot of alone time where I could actually practice this. A few weeks ago, I went on my yearly silent retreat at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. It’s amazing how silence can illuminate where healing needs to happen. Once it’s illuminated, there’s the opportunity to express self-compassion.
While self-compassion can seem like a hokey concept, or perhaps even a selfish one, cultivating compassion toward anyone makes it more likely that we will give it to everyone.
In fact, research shows that compassion-based mindfulness practices have the most immediate impact of any mindfulness practice studied.
Compassion increases our empathy and our positive feelings, even when we aren’t meditating. Furthermore, compassion can be a protective factor against emotional burnout.
While empathy has been shown to activate parts of the brain associated with pain, compassion activates our reward center and provides a boost to our self-efficacy. While empathy alone is depleting, compassion can provide perseverance to keep going.
Psychologist and teacher Tara Brach provides a practical tool for expressing self-compassion. She suggests putting a hand on where we feel pain, and saying inside our minds, “This suffering matters.”
Personally, I’ve begun to realize that my own suffering matters as much as the suffering outside of me—because I have more control over resolving it. The powerful truth is this:
self-compassion is a form of self-healing.
In short, when we see our pain, we experience self-awareness.
When we attend to our pain with kindness, we experience healing.
When we are healed, we have more of ourselves available to give to others.
Win-win-win.
Hugs,
Brandi
P.S.- Thanks for all the responses to last month's newsletter! I love hearing from you about what's helpful and how you connect!
List of Resources for Developing Self-Compassion:
Self-Compassion at Work (article): This Harvard Business Review article by Serena Chen states, “…people who score high [on self-compassion assessments] typically have greater motivation to improve themselves and are more likely to report strong feelings of authenticity.” Chen argues that self-compassion can help facilitate a growth-mindset, increase authenticity, and encourage compassionate leadership.
Radical Acceptance (book): After letting it sit on my shelf for years without finishing it, I finally read Tara Brach’s seminal book on self-acceptance. In it, Brach talks about awakening from the trance of our “not enough-ness.” She also offers many practices for compassionately connecting with our ourselves through mindfulness.
Three Components of Self-Compassion (6 min. video): Kristen Neff, a foremost expert on self-compassion, starts this talk by stating, “I really don’t see a difference between compassion to self and others. I see them the exact same way.” The three components she outlines in the video are: kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. She says the most powerful of these in her trainings is common humanity, which happens when participants recognize that they aren't alone in struggling to be kind to themselves.
Self-Compassion Practices (website): On Neff’s website, she has a whole set of research-based practices to try. This includes: meditations, tools for modifying self-talk, and use of reflection and the power of touch to self soothe.
In addition to these resources, if you are looking for more personal guidance on developing self-compassion, my friend Eric Zimmer, host of “The One You Feed” podcast, has offered this description of his offerings as a life coach which you may find resonates with you.
Want more?