Resources for Coping with Difficult Times: Self-Compassion and Transformation
Hi friends,
Can I tell you a story? It’s a wild and important one for me, so I hope the answer is yes. ; )
Seven years ago, my life completely fell apart. I wrote a book about it, so I won’t go into details. Suffice it to say, I think of it as what Richard Rohr would describe as a “falling upward” experience, or what Brené Brown might call as a “spiritual awakening/breakdown.”
It was intense, but it wasn’t the end.
My first book was about the myths of being human. The five years since this tumultuous time are about the depths.
What do I mean by this?
I mean that the human experience—our inner-world— is more expansive, magical, and confounding than I ever could have imagined in the first thirty-some years of my life.
How do I know?
Well, for the last five years, I’ve engaged many tools for getting in contact with my own depths. I attended a year of seminary. I’ve been on weeks of silent retreat. I’ve joined many trainings and worked with more than one therapist. I’ve been guided closely by a teacher adept at holding space for me to explore my own inner-wisdom.
Most importantly, I've been still and quiet enough—been brave enough—to look within and do so consistently. This is a practice available to us all.
Last September, despite all of this exploration, I knew there was more. I did something which I had only done one other time in my life.
I told the universe, “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”
When you say these words out loud and mean them, they have power.
Here’s what happened next.
First, over a decade of sexual abuse from an extended family member surfaced in the form of unprocessed trauma. It resulted in physical illness, nightmares and sweating, and overwhelming grief and fear that lasted for many months.
In the midst of this unfolding, my mother-in-law died unexpectedly. On the trip back to try and see her before her passing, one—and then each of us—got a terrible stomach flu that threatened our ability to attend the funeral. (Ultimately, we were able to.)
We returned home. I continued my trauma work, aided by a teacher and therapist. I began to experience healing and even gained awareness of the intergenerational aspects of trauma that had been influencing me unconsciously. I felt a transition coming, a new sense of freedom.
This happened in February. We all know, have been impacted deeply, by what came next.
March brought the pandemic's affects to daily life in the United States. Personally, there was also a growing awareness within my family that we were witnessing psychosis in a loved one.
We’ve all seen or experienced mental health struggles in the last few months. Each of us has been touched by the changing economy, the public health threat, and the Civil Rights uprisings.
Like many of you, these challenging times have continued to change me. I’ve shifted my work to gently guiding people toward facing the tremendous amount of pain and grief that needs healing within each of us.
I know from experience that approaching our pain with kindness and curiosity will transform us.
When we can be with our own inner-experience in this way, it builds our capacity to hold space for others; we are able to be a compassionate witness, which facilitates healing, transformation, and greater wisdom in self and others.
So now I ask you this:
Do you ever get an inkling of the wisdom and depths within yourself? The capacity for healing and transformation?
Maybe you do and you long for more. Maybe you have, but you are afraid of where it will take you. I’ve had both of these feelings—sometimes at the same time.
Here’s the truth though: the discomfort is already here. There’s nothing we have to do to make it arrive, but perhaps you are ready to use it as a tool for greater compassion and truth.
If you are, I am providing something new that I know will help guide you. It's called Wisdom School, and you can read more about it here.
Take good care and (virtual) hugs,
Brandi
P.S. - I am extending the free Friday community practice sessions through July! Here are all of the details, or see the resource section below. You can also register here.
Other Resources for Difficult Times:
Check out American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön’s writings—particularly Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change and When Things Fall Apart.
Check out Franciscan monk Richard Rohr’s books Falling Upward and Immortal Diamond.
Both of these teachers have been so influential in my own path toward being with difficulty for the sake of transformation and greater compassion.
Want more?