Mindfulness Practices and Tools for Managing Anger and Frustration
Hi friend!
How have you been? (It’s all relative at this point, right?)
Welcome to the last in a 4-part series on being with difficult emotions. So far, we’ve talked about managing sadness, anxiety, and anger (in others).
Today’s newsletter will focus on how to acknowledge, accept, and regulate our own anger.
Anger is one of the most powerful emotions. A quick flash of anger can ruin a morning or a relationship in mere minutes. That said, anger is also a useful emotion.
In a conversation on their podcast “No Stupid Questions” Angela Duckworth (well-known grit researcher) tells Steven Dubner (Freakanomics writer) that, “Anger is when you have a feeling that your rights have been violated and a goal has been blocked.” In this context, anger can teach us to honor our own boundaries and help us protect what matters.
The key, however, is to walk the middle path; not repressing anger (which is bad for our health and overall happiness), but also not reacting so strongly to it that we lose discernment.
We can manage our anger through a few short steps.
The first and most important is to acknowledge and accept frustration when it shows up. Here’s a process you can try.
Acknowledge: Pause. Pay attention to your internal sensations and experiences. Note and name whatever you notice. For example, heat, tension, tightness, or tingling.
Accept: Name your feeling. Something simple like, “This is anger” or “This is frustration.” As you name the emotion, see if you can cultivate a sense of care for the part of you that feels this way.
Next, if necessary, you can use a tool to self-regulate.
One regulation tool to try when angry is Cooling Breath. Here are the instructions.
Roll your tongue into a “O” shape (if you can’t do this, you can purse your lips into an “O” instead)
Breath in slowly and deeply through the mouth
Close your mouth and exhale through the nose
Continue to breath in this way, for 6-12 breaths or so (about 1-2 minutes). As you do this, focus your awareness on the sensations you are experiencing
Before ending, take a few breaths at your normal pace. Notice how your experience has shifted
If you are like me, you don’t just want to hear the strategy, you want to understand why it’s effective. Cooling breath helps us regulate in the following ways:
It activates our parasympathetic nervous system (otherwise known as the “rest and digest) through slow, deep breaths
It lowers the body temperature, which rises when we are angry or frustrated
It stabilizes our attention through focusing on a calming stimulus
Want more?
Try is this mindfulness practice for being with anger and frustration.
Closing out this series, I want to thank you for taking the time to be with hard emotions for the sake of transformation.
Take good care and (virtual) hugs,
Brandi
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